2024-02-13 - Heart to Heart

Title: Heart to Heart
Summary: Following her unsettling run-in with Akari, and her subsequent chat with Setsuna, Kyouka is left in a rather unsettled state. Her parents notice, and her father, Drew Channing, shows up to take her camping.
Who: Kyouka Okazaki, Drew Channing
Where: A campsite somewhere in the Tama wilderness
OOC - IC Date: 2/13/2024 - Saturday, April 23, 2016

Kyouka sighed as she trudged up to the front door of her house after school. The last couple of weeks had been a bit of a jumbled mess in her head. Ever since getting that offer from Akari, and then balking at the chance to work with Strike Wolf again, she wasn't sure what to think about herself anymore. Talking to Setsuna had... well, helped in that she had finally been able to put a name to some of her feelings.

But she still didn't know what to do with them.

There were lots of little things that kept her anchored: taking care of Wolfy, keeping up with her studies, and doing her part of the household chores. But everything else... she'd just been drifting.

Her mom had tried to ask her what was wrong, and... what could she even say to that? There was no way she could tell her the truth. No, it wasn't a problem at school, no, it wasn't a problem with her girlfriend, she wasn't sick, she wasn't injured. She was fine, just a little tired, it'd pass, don't worry about it.

Kyouka wasn't any more convinced by those responses than her mom had been.

She sighed and opened her front door. "Hey, Wolfy--" she started to call out, and then stopped. "Dad...?"

Her dad, Drew Channing, was there. He was six foot tall, broad shouldered, with cropped-short blonde hair, and the same bright blue eyes Kyouka had inherited. And he appeared to be dressed for camping, in cargo pants, a light t-shirt, and a vest with many pockets and compartments.

Kyouka hadn't known he was coming. And what's more, her father was busy wrangling Wolfy into his trail backpack. The Siberian husky looked up and barked excitedly as Kyouka stepped into the house, struggling with Drew who eventually gave up and let the dog run to her owner.

Wolfy jumped up on Kyouka, half-fitted backpack flopping about. Kyouka couldn't help but smile a little and hug Wolfy to herself, accepting the slobbery licks to her face. "H-hey there, boy." From his seat, Drew smiled as he watched the two.

"Alright, down, Wolfy. Go to Dad," said Kyouka, with a gentle push and then a point. Wolfy barked and ran back over to Drew, tail wagging. She switched back to English, since it was just the two of them. "Dad, what are you doing here? Why are you dressed in your camping gear? Don't you have things to attend to on base?"

Drew gave Wolfy's ears a scritch and issued a firm 'Stay' while he set about securing the harness for the doggy backpack. "I managed to pull some strings and get some time off. Thought I'd surprise you with a little father-daughter bonding time." Wolfy barked, and Drew chuckled. "Father-daughter-dog bonding time, then."

Stepping fully inside, Kyouka closed the door behind her and kicked off her shoes. "Well, that sounds nice, but I've got homework, Mom's working late tonight, I was going to make dinner for her..."

"I'll have you back in plenty of time to do your homework tomorrow evening, and your mother is okay with eating leftovers." Drew finished securing the saddle-bag style backpack to Wolfy, and then stood up. "I'll be level with you, kiddo. Your mom's worried about you, and, well... we haven't been able to spend nearly enough time together lately, so I figured we could get away from things for a bit and have a talk."

"I.." She should be jumping at the chance to do this. Why was she so hesitant? Eventually she nodded. "Okay... I'll go get changed, then."

---

The last camping trip she had been on, with Yumi, had been different than she was accustomed to, because of the work she had put in to accommodate Yumi's needs. Not that she was complaining--far from it! She had told Yumi then that she was happy to put in the work, if it meant sharing something she enjoyed with a person whose company she liked, and she'd meant it. And besides...

The sight of Yumi's deep pink eyes glittering in the firelight was a memory she would treasure forever.

But this trip was different (not better or worse, just different, and enjoyable in its own way.) With Dad and Wolfy along, all three of them knew their parts, could share the burdens involved, and most of all it was comfortable. They settled into a familiar routine, one they had practiced time and again, and this left Kyouka with tasks she could focus on to distract her mind for a while.

They had fished for their dinner in a nearby lake, dressed the fish and then cooked it over a campfire. It was a simple meal, but still delicious.

But that had been a while ago, while the sun was still up. Drew had taken Wolfy for a last walk of the night, leaving Kyouka to mind the campsite. Kyouka had cleaned up from dinner, cleaning their cooking implements and securing them, along with the rest of their food, in a safe place. The fire was still crackling softly, giving off a gentle heat as Kyouka sat on the ground, back to a log, and stared up at the night sky.

She had to admit, the campsite her dad had found was breathtaking. It overlooked a lake--the same one they had caught their dinner from--which, in the late evening light, shimmered softly with reflected moonlight. The surrounding treeline provided a peaceful yet invigorating scent, and of course, overhead the deep, velvety blue sky and twinkling starlight provided space for her thoughts to wander.

What was it about outdoors like this that just made it easier to just... think?

The soft crunching of dirt under a boot and subdued panting reached her ear, and without averting her gaze from the sky she lifted a hand up to wave. "Hey." She was dressed in denim jeans, a warm jacket, and of course, her favorite hiking boots for the cold.

Wolfy barked and ran ahead, jumping over a log and curling up next to Kyouka. She lowered her hand and rubbed Wolfy gently over his side.

Drew took the long way around, reaching over to gently stoke the fire some more and add a few more branches before finally lowering himself down to the ground to sit next to Kyouka on her other side. "Hey, Kyou-chan. Campsite looks good."

She nodded. "Thanks. Everything's stashed, and I made sure the tents are all set up. Whenever we're ready to go to sleep we can just douse the campfire and go."

They sat together like this in amiable silence, with only the sound of the fire or the calls of nighttime birds and insects to disturb their thoughts. Eventually, Kyouka sighed and looked down from the stars to her lap. She knew her dad wanted to talk, but... he was also waiting, giving her the space to get her thoughts together.

There was a lot on her mind, and... some of it was easier to talk about than others. For a number of reasons. Start with some of the easier reasons, then.

"So... there's..." she started, and then stopped to consider some more. "This might be kinda jumbled."

Drew nodded. "Alright."

"So, I guess... basically, I've been thinking a lot about... my future, you know? Like... 'when I grow up', and all that."

"Hmmm. I see." Drew's tone was non-judgemental, acknowledging Kyouka's thoughts and inviting her to say more.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "So... I dunno. It's... I've made a lot of friends here, and a lot of them are thinking about their futures already, you know? Yumi-chan's entering her 12th year, she's thought about university or taking over her family business. I've got other friends worried about, like... senior finals, or university, or enlisting with the JDF, and meanwhile I'm just... I dunno."

Kyouka looked up to the stars again. "I guess I'm starting to think about that for myself."

Drew lifted an arm to hug Kyouka around the shoulder. "I guess it's only natural you'd be starting to think about such things. You're getting older, and there'll be a lot of decisions to make in the future. But." he added, "While it's healthy to think ahead, don't forget that it's okay to live in the moment, too."

"I mean... I've kind of been thinking about it for a while..." Kyouka admitted. She leaned against her father when he went for the hug. His presence had always been comforting, like a rock of steadiness she could rely on when everything else was crazy and chaotic. "It's kind of why I fought so hard to attend a regular school while we were stationed here, you know? I knew that, well... this might be my last chance to do it and to like... really fit in, to just have that kind of normal experience."

"Kyou-chan, one of the things I've always admired about you is how you have the capacity to make your own space for yourself, no matter where you go."

"Aww, Dad, thanks. But... it's..." Kyouka struggled to articulate the feeling that brought up in her.

"I know," said Drew, with another squeeze. "It's difficult to have to make that effort all the time."

Kyouka nodded. "Yeah."

"Your mom and I know that this lifestyle hasn't always been the easiest on you all these years. But you've always handled it like a champ. We tried our best to provide you with some stability, but... if we missed the signs that it wasn't enough, then I'm really sorry. We're sorry."

"Hey, no, you guys were great." Kyouka looked up to her dad with a grin. "I've done some amazing things, you know? I've set foot in more countries than most people even think about, eaten some of the best food the world has to offer, seen some truly jaw-dropping sights. I wouldn't give all of that up for anything."

"But..." prompted Drew gently.

She signed and looked down again. "I dunno... I guess... after a while, it got hard not having an answer for some things. Like when someone asked me where I was from. Like... I could say that I was a citizen of the world, or that I was a U.S. citizen, or from whatever base we were stationed from, but... none of those answers ever felt 'real'."

Drew considered that for a long while, watching the flames dance in the firepit. "Were you hoping Japan could be a place you were from?"

"I dunno... maybe? I mean... I love most of the places I've been, but... Tokyo's really going to hold a special place in my heart. I've made some amazing friends, and I thought..." Kyouka trailed off as she lapsed into silence.

Tokyo had been a place where she'd made friends that looked like her, certainly, but it was also where she had learned about magic. That she had magic, and the great power within her that could do so many meaningful things.

And it was where she had met Yumi, who helped her figure out some important things about herself.

After a few moments of quiet, crackling flames, Drew spoke up. "You thought...?" he prompted, gently.

It took a few more moments before Kyouka could bring herself to continue. "I thought... Well, I thought that... maybe I'd finally found a place I fit in, like... really fit in. I've made friends here that I have things in common with that I've never found anywhere else. And I thought maybe I was figuring out exactly who I wanted to be."

"Hmm..." Drew gently ruffled Kyouka's hair. "And now you're not so sure?"

Kyouka nodded glumly.

"Did something happen recently to make you doubt that?"

A pause, and then another nod.

Drew let the conversation lull, giving Kyouka time and space to continue it when she was ready. Wolfly, meanwhile, yawned wide and stood up, circled around in place a few times, and then plopped down again, laying his head in Kyouka's lap. She obliged with some gentle ear scritches.

"So..." She paused to consider her words. It would be so much easier if she could just... explain. To tell her mom and dad about magic, about everything she'd been going through. But that wasn't a bell she could unring, explaining about magic and opening them up to all of the weird things that happened in the world. It rankled her, to her core, not to be completely honest, but while she had magic and could sort of look after herself, her parents didn't.

Kyouka looked up to her father. "Dad, you and Mom trust me, right?"

Drew regarded Kyouka silently for a moment before nodding. "We do. Are you worried we don't?"

"No," said Kyouka with a quick shake of her head. "I just... something happened, and it's hard to talk about, but I don't want you to freak out, okay?"

"I can't promise I won't freak out, but I'll do my best to listen with as little judgment as possible and keep an open mind."

Kyouka nodded. "Yeah, I guess that's fair. So... a while ago I was hanging out with my friends, and there was this guy causing trouble. We tried to talk him down but it turned into a fight. I had..." Her breath caught in her throat, and her hand rose to clutch at her chest reflexively. "... a close call." Kyouka forced her hand back into her lap and hurriedly added, "I'm okay though! I'm okay. I wasn't hurt, and... my friends are amazing. They were looking out for me, and we're all okay."

"Kyouka... why didn't you say anything to us?" Drew was sitting upright now, looking at his daughter with grave concern. "Were you worried we would be upset about the fight?"

Kyouka shook her head. "No, it's not that, I just... it didn't seem like that big a deal at the time, you know? Nobody got hurt, everybody walked away, it just... ended. I thought that was that. I was... a little upset for a while, I guess, but it just passed and I thought that was it. No harm no foul, you know?"

Drew studied his daughter carefully. "... Intense experiences like that can still leave a mark, even if they don't cause physical injuries."

A long, tired sigh escaped her. "... Yeah. I think... I'm starting to realize that." She looked up to her dad. "Now, whenever I think about... the kinds of things I thought I wanted to do, I just think of... that, instead. How... do I make it stop?"

"First of all, kiddo, don't think I didn't notice how skimpy on the details you were. That concerns me, but I'm willing to put my trust in you." Reaching up, Drew lightly tousled Kyouka's hair. "You gotta process it, and accept what happened to you. It's hard, and not pleasant, but it's the only way to come out the other side stronger for the experience."

Kyouka closed her eyes. Even now she could feel that clammy coldness snaking its way into her chest, threatening to make everything seize. "But... I hate that this happened to me."

"Denying it isn't healthy, Kyouka," said Drew softly. "Seen some good people get lost down that path. I've struggled with it myself."

Two eyes turned sharply to look up at their father, widening in surprise. "Really? You?"

"Yep."

Kyouka looked down at her lap again. "... I never knew."

"Because that's not the kind of thing parents burden their kids with. It was a long time ago, anyway." Drew considered for a moment. "Remember that time you were climbing a tree, fell out, and broke your arm?"

"Ugh," groaned Kyouka, letting her head roll back. "Don't remind me. I had that cast on for ages."

Drew patted his daughter's head gently. "It was only a few months. Anyway, the point is... the doctors had to set your arm and put a cast on it, and you had to let it heal. If you'd just tried to carry on like nothing had ever happened, it would've just made things worse, right?"

Kyouka stretched out her left arm, working her fingers and turning it a few times. "Yeah, but... it's good as new, now."

"Not quite." Drew reached over to tap one spot in particular along Kyouka's arm. "You remember the x-rays, right? How the bone grew back a little thicker than before, to keep it from breaking again?"

Bringing her arm in to feel it with her other hand, Kyouka frowned softly in thought. "Oh yeah... You're right... but... why is this sticking with me so much more than that did?"

"You're growing up. You're dealing with bigger thoughts, bigger ideas... You're at a natural time in your life where kids start to worry about identity, self-expression, their future, all that." Drew gave Kyouka a firm pat on the back. "I've got some books that might help, and if you want, we can get you some professional help. But... if you want my opinion?"

"Please, Dad," said Kyouka, looking up to her father. Her eyes were slightly wide and pleading. "I'll take anything you got."

Drew smiled and ruffled Kyouka's hair once more, drawing out a smile from his daughter. "I think you're gonna be fine."

The smile faded quickly, though. "But... how can you be sure?"

"Well, a couple of things. You're young, and resilient, but most importantly you're already willing to talk about it and ask for advice. That'll go a long way."

Kyouka considered those words and then nodded softly. "Yeah, I guess you're right... I still don't know what I want to do in the future, though..."

Drew reached out to hug Kyouka around the shoulders, pulling her in tight. ""Kyouka, you've got good instincts, and a big heart. But most importantly you care about the people around you, and you're proactive about it. Your mother and I couldn't be prouder of you for that. I have no doubts that you'll figure it out, and be amazing at it."

"Aww, Dad, if you're gonna get all sappy on me," complained Kyouka with a grin and no real venom in her voice. She reached an arm around behind her dad and leaned in to return the hug. "Thanks, Dad. That means a lot."

"Anytime, kiddo."