2022-10-12 - Since We Aren't Dead
| Title: Since We Aren't Dead | |
|---|---|
| Summary: It's been far too long since they had a good stand-off. There's reasons for that. Maybe they can talk about it over tea. | |
| Who: | |
| Where: Chofu Suburban District | |
| OOC - IC Date: 2022-10-12 - January 18, 2016 | |
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (12)] has posed.
Chofu has a wealth of lovely little shops. Upon recommendation, Mai has chosen a quiet but apparently-decent little one for a nice little afternoon. Dressed in neither school nor work uniform, her red scarf sits coiled up on the table next to her as she waits in a nice-if-casual outfit. The atmosphere, at least, is nice - hopefully befitting the conversation she...
Well, she hasn't exactly been putting it off. Things just happened. She got busy. There were priorities. Like a lost cat.
Regardless, she's sitting a little heavily in her chair, eyes closed as she goes over past...opinions. Comments. History. She's had at least one full night's sleep since the battle for Sanbu, so she's at least somewhat rested, but...perhaps a little uneasy, all the same.
Maybe it's a lack of coffee - her eyes open as a waiter stops by the table. "Sorry, I'm waiting for someone before I order. It shouldn't be too long, I hope."
Though if it were...well, maybe that would be fair enough. Mai pulls out her phone, checking the time before glancing at the start of that delayed conversation.
> hey, tomoe
> since we still aren't dead, want to meet up for tea?
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
There's always the lost cat. And Mami of course can fill up time quite easily herself; patrols take up a lot of her time, for instance. Much like today... Today, when she may or may not have decided to finish up a patrol rather than replying immediately to a text. Maybe. Just possibly.
As it happens, she did reply, though:
> That's true, we're not. That's as good a reason for tea as any.
> Where to?
If you wonder whether Mami took a while to decide whether the response was just right before sending it... Then maybe she did. But now, and not /too/ long after that...
"Sorry to keep you waiting," Mami says. She made a point of changing out of her uniform, likewise in casual... well, for Mami. For Mami casual is still pretty nice.
"...Good afternoon."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (12)] has posed.
Time can be all over the place in its value. A week ago Mai might have thrown herself into studying, or trying to investigate international grade standards, or maybe too much cooking...but maybe she's been stretching herself a bit thin.
At least, so she might think a day after an all-nighter driving trip.
There's a voice, finally, jarring Mai out of an eternal moment, and she looks up once again at elegance and grace. Once again, once again maybe an old grudge burns - but some of that feels like a lifetime ago. So Mai smiles faintly, and answers.
"I suppose it is. Part of me wondered if you would even want to come, after..." She shakes her head. "Anyway. I saved you a seat. Afraid I haven't ordered anything yet."
A beat. "...admittedly not sure what to order, myself. I've been bound to coffee for too many weeks."
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
Maybe. Maybe a /little bit/. Mami, on the other hand, is relatively well-rested! Late nights are the enemy of beauty, after all. ...But more that hunting Wraiths is agreeing with her rather more than hunting Witches did, as that goes...
And she still hasn't started doing things like 'attending clubs at school'.
Despite the all-nighter Mami looks perfectly made up as always. It's just how she nearly always is.
"After," Mami agrees, "But then, I wouldn't expect you to invite me most days." And she wasn't going to be the one to not go!
"Coffee can be good," Mami says, perhaps even heretically. "But if you want something different from your coffee, maybe a nice green." She ventures the suggestion bravely enough, but in truth it's a tenative kind of thing.
She does take the offered seat, though.
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (12)] has posed.
Officially, Mai isn't in any clubs. Unofficially - well, her attendance at Infinity's cooking classes is admittedly very intermittent. But what time Mai would have spent on clubs has instead gone to part-time jobs and...household management, in a way. Practice for the future, budgeting, saving...
She could probably afford more karaoke outings, if she had the time. But that would be a waste.
And yet, she's here at a fancy tea shop, and just content that the prices aren't any worse than the menus she's usually handing out.
"If I'm honest, I fully intended to after you...got back." The waiter is in earshot, at the moment, so vagueness seems appropriate. "I just had some...mistakes to deal with. Things I never apologized for, properly."
She hesitates again, then looks down at the menu to distract herself a second. Rose petals are a 'probably not', but what else is in the selection of black teas?...
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
While Mami Tomoe has been managing her own household for years, she traditionally hasn't needed jobs. That may change if she keeps on this strange trend of living longer than any Puella Magi she knows, but for now, her money is holding. And...
Vagueness. "...Hm." Mami pauses, at that, considering, and shakes her head. "...Well, we all made some of those," she allows after a moment. "...And I could've reached out to you instead," she decides after a moment.
She glances down at the menu, and back to Mai. ".../Before/ things got dangerous, that is."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (12)] has posed.
Mai looks up sharply at the...admission. A fairer comment than...well, than Mai expected she deserved, honestly. It's a moment for her to take in the words, digest them - and ultimately end up chuckling at the situation and herself. "What am I even doing..."
She smiles, a little brighter this time. "Pretty sure I said this already, Tomoe, but I'll say it again. It's...really good to see that you're not dead." A moment, while Mai considers how to follow that up-
-and an uttered curse under her breath as the waiter approaches. The timing. With a touch of impatience, she runs her finger down the menu, taps once, glances at where her finger landed, and places her order. "A cup of the Darjeeling, please. And one of the mixed-fruit scones."
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
Mami has gained a certain amount of perspective since.. then. But what is she doing? Mami smiles faintly, though she doesn't laugh. Until Mai actually makes her statement, which prompts Mami to have to take the time to think of her response--and to get a spare mokment thanks to the waiter.
"...The Earl Grey," she answers, "With one of those scones as well." She'll try it!
When the waiter heads off, Mami looks back to Mai and gives her a wry look. "Would it be stating the obvious if I said 'me too'?" A beat, "I don't mind hearing it more than once. I left a lot... unfinished," she settles on. "And how we'd left things was one of those."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (12)] has posed.
With the waiter gone, Mai is free to chuckle at Mami's expression. "In my experience, being happy to not be dead is a...fairly normal reaction. Bafflement, too."
It's not a subject she brings up often. But in this case, it's a little easier. Or maybe there's less consequence for joking about it.
"...and you did, at that. Leave things unfinished, that is. Once you weren't around, I'd like to say we managed fine, but...we really didn't." Rubeus and Peridot. The Book of Darkness. Personal problems for Mai. Walpurgisnacht. Mai's expression darkens a little more with each memory - each resolved, but not without cost.
"But yeah. Whatever it is we had going..." Mai lifts her head, looking that much more tired, and waves her hand in an uncertain pattern. "...well, a lot of it seems to have mattered a lot more in the moment. Maybe I've changed too much."
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
"Bafflement I didn't have as much. I felt like... someone meant for me to be here." She remarks fondly on the sensation, though it's strange to say, and she becomes a little self-conscious about it a moment later, instead saying, "But I suppose if nothing else there's still something in common, right?"
Unfinished... Mami nods. "I... got to know a little of what happened, while I was... gone. I like to think I could've helped, but... I don't know. I think of the things I could've done differently, and some of them are just hard to imagine. I have another chance now, though--I won't spend it dwelling on the one that I didn't get."
Mami does notice the tired look. "...It felt very important at the time," she says. "It all did. But if you've changed, then so have I, I think."
"...Maybe some of it's what we've lost. And maybe some of it's what we /haven't/."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (12)] has posed.
"Someone...wanted you here." Mai whispers under her breath. Maybe that's the feeling. Maybe that's what felt different for Mai. But it is ultimately something else in common, and Mai can't help but groan a little at the comparison. "Just add it to the list..."
There was business, unfinished. There were disasters, unaided. And Mami speaks up about chances, and what best to do with them, and Mai offers a smile in return.
They've both changed. It's been close to a year since they last properly argued - admittedly because it wasn't that long after that last argument that the arguments became impossible - and it's impossible to not grow up at least a bit in that time.
"Well, you handled your second chance better than I did. And maybe it helps that we don't have moral arguments between us with lives on the line quite as much any more. Though-" Mai bites off a few words, shakes her head.
"...you know- who am I kidding, you can't have known. I wrote some texts to you a while back, right before Walpurgisnacht. About what I thought of you, what we had in common." She takes a breath, lets it out, shakes her head. "...do you really want to hear about messages to the dead, though?"
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
Add it to the list. ...Mami doesn't elaborate on that difference, not for now, but it's something close to her heart all the same A warm radiance...
"...It wasn't all 'me'," she admits. "As you say--there's a lot less of... that. I don't know that I could've ever come up with a proper solution to that. But now, we have one of sorts. And I'll take it."
But what could she have known...?
Mami tilts her head. "I didn't get them," she says. "My phone's full of--well, texts that aren't those, I suppose."
She considers. "It is a little morbid," she allows. "...But if it was important enough for you to say then, maybe it's important enough to say now."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (12)] has posed.
Mai groans a little more audibly this time. "It's almost too embarrassing to say, now. I was something of a hot mess at the time, between the looming end of the world, Mikoto being gone, and having just lost another friend-"
She takes a deep breath, lets it out. There's a lot to remember, a lot to dredge up, but Tomoe's right, it was important. "A minute. Just...give me a minute."
That's long enough for the tea to arrive, at least. A momentary distraction, scones delivered warm with little pots of butter and jam, a wonderful steaming cup set before Mai. She can have those smells, at least - warmer and more pleasant than the memories she's going through.
"...I'm pretty sure I called you a tea-drinking snob, for one. But mostly that...you were, for the longest time, someone I could compare myself against. Because we have so much in common, the differences were things we could cling to. ...Maybe the similarities, too."
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
Mami's internal sass generator immediately floats the idea that she could say 'At the time?' but she doesn't. She indeed gives an internal frown to the generator. So, when Mai mentions what's going on....
"...Right. That's fine. Take your time."
The memories are memories, but tea and scones are tea and scones. And that comment--Mami actually smiles at that statement. "Hmmm. Fair enough, I suppose." Tea-drinking snob... But--
"That's... true. We do have a number of both. Sure, we have very different approaches, but..." ZShe trails off, and picks up her tea, inhaling the bouquet before she opens her eyes again.
"Well, you're not the only one with a few things to share. I think I saw you as a threat. ...More than most magical girls."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (12)] has posed.
It's hard, going back, sometimes. Back to a moment of heartbreak, of being at the lowest of lows, just to remember what was said in that weakness - but if it matters enough-
Well. It matters.
The bouquet of Darjeeling is a mysterious smell, but not a terrible one - not like the acrid menace of Mai's usual coffee. So she takes in a breath of it, elects to let it cool a moment longer, and considers the scone before her while Mami responds. Different approaches, definitely -
-and a moment of honesty that has Mai fold her hands away from the butter knife.
"...I suppose that's fair, but why? The firepower to level a building, the stubbornness to stick to a conviction at the cost of making enemies, or something else we have in common?"
Mai Tokiha, having reclaimed a bit of her smile, has not entirely silenced her internal sass generator.
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
Mami doesn't make a habit of going back much. She's trying to look forward. She doesn't always succeed, of course.
Mami notices that Mai has taken her hand from the knife. And then she laughs faintly at the questions. "Those are both factors," she says. "They both certainly apply. But combined with the last, that was the big problem."
"You're older than I am," she points out. "So, this older girl, who doesn't agree with my way of doing things, and is willing to say so loudly... It made you a threat that made other threats happen."
"It was like that, for a long time. Magical girls were with me... or against me. And that was true enough for so long that even when it didn't have to be anymore I stuck with it."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (12)] has posed.
Mai sits back in her seat a moment, at the accusation, at the admission. She takes a sip of her tea before responding, because it'd be a shame to waste it if things go any worse. And, to the credit of all of Ohtori's snobs, this is admittedly a very pleasant drink.
The coffee fan has her reasons for choosing an unpleasant drink most days, but she can confess that this is nice.
"...you've been doing this for longer than I have. My first week after entering this life, you dazzled me with your elegance in battle, and just because I'm technically older-" She laughs, once, shaking her head. And then mirth fades to sorrow, and she shakes her head again.
"...I got to see that happen for Eri. Her optimism, her hopes, gradually turning to bitter distrust...I do see it, Tomoe. How you got there. So me standing up to you even just the once..." She sighs. "...that's kind of petty, you know."
She lets that statement stew a little while as she reaches for the scone finally, splitting it open and slowly taking up the butter knife to add that spread, before commenting again.
"I mean, I should certainly know petty."
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
It could go worse! It could go much worse. Mami sips at her tea, too, once she finishes talking. It's good tea; she knew it would be. She is familiar with a lot of the tea places in Tokyo. She knows what she likes.
"Not just that," she allows, "...But it really, really didn't help."
Mai knows petty, hm? "You saw it with Eri. That's true. I still had hopes, but... The other girls were so hostile to them, for the longest time. And so I couldn't see it when things started to change."
"...I'd been hurt before," she admits. "First, by the others, the veterans who... Honestly? I don't even remember their names. I've outlasted all of them. But it doesn't feel 'better' than them all the same. And then... I put my heart into a girl, trained with her, made a partnership... and then it all fell apart. And then she became the greatest proponent of exactly the approach that I'd sworn to oppose. ...Sakura-san and I have a long history."
"But that's in the past. These days, we can... talk out more of these difficulties. Even when it's awkward to do it."
She ooks down into her tea. "...Mostly I was afraid. But that's different, these days. I'm... not afraid, any longer."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (12)] has posed.
A new chance is wonderful. An opportunity to talk out things that should have been talked out long ago.
Mai has had...a few, now, it feels like. And she's squandered them for the most part.
"You're as frustratingly amazing as ever, Tomoe." There's no real heat to the quip, and it's a softer expression on Mai's face. "Seriously, though, if you can be optimistic about things, that's...well, that's hope, right?"
She purses her lips a moment. "...I'll share a secret. I didn't get involved in the...arguments about approaches. Because my best friend was involved, and because..." Mai pauses, leans in to whisper. "...Because you were right. And I was just too spiteful to say it."
She leans back, takes another sip of her tea, and just deflates a bit. Watches the butter melt onto a warm scone. "...it's a lot better to be able to clear the air now. Less to fight over. And - well, I kind of let go of the real reason I hated you."
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
For a little while longer, Mami's scone goes unbuttered. She is focused on what she's saying, and on the tea. But the scone will have its moment, and soon. Maybe after that quip...
"Thank you?" Mami replies lightly, and then... well. "I don't want to just dwell on what I've lost, though... don't get me wrong. I have. She's..." Mami rails off, and shakes her head. Insead, she looks up at Mai as she shares a secret, and... Mami stays leaned in for a moment. She looks... distantly sad. "...It wasn't fair," she settles on. "And I had it easy. My best friend believed in me and my way all the way. ...And now she's gone. And I have to wonder... Could I have done differently?"
Mami picks up the scone, and starts to ready it.
"There's reasons I try not to dwell. It doesn't go anywhere pleasant. So..." A beat, "With that in mind, do you /want/ me to ask what that real reason was?"
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (12)] has posed.
Most of what was lost was restored, but some things - some mistakes - remained. Mai got off lightly, by comparison, and it was a long few months to dwell on what didn't return to her immediately.
Sorrow is something all too familiar. And Mai knows something about how to handle sorrow.
Namely that she's terrible at it.
"...it wasn't fair. And - you didn't have it easy. Those doubts about what could have been, what you should have done differently-" Mami doesn't want to dwell on it. And yet - for Mai, that is the important thing. "That's why. That's the real reason."
She doesn't reach for her scone, for all that it's ready to be devoured. Nor does Mai sip at her tea, even as it begins to cool past the point of deliciousness. Because this is what she could only admit to the dead.
"It's guilt. It's survivor's guilt. It's looking back on a past mistake, a past tragedy, and having it stick with you forever. Doing everything you could, putting yourself on the line, all to try to make amends for something you once did." Mai actually grits her teeth a moment, before trying to let it go, but the anger remains even after all this time-
"You reminded me of myself, Mami Tomoe. Of the person I still can't forgive." She finally lets out a breath, looking down at the table. "Unfair as it was...that's why."
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
Acknowledging--understanding--isn't the same thing as dwelling. Mami could say that, but she doesn't. Because insead she is listening to what Mai has to say on it. Her own tea continues to sit, with the now-ready scone, buttered and prepared. Mami watches Mai, instead. As she mentions the guilt...
"...I see."
The anger is stil there. Mami sees it--and she sees how it wasn't about her, exactly. "...We both displaced the past onto the present. Onto people around us." She pauses, and looks still at Mai. Unfair or not...
"I've layered more and more over the first one. Every mistake, every loss..."
"....I appreciate you telling me," she settles on at length. "I wish I had something to make it better... but pretending I do would be the same kind of thing that got us fighting in the first place, right?" Mami picks up her tea after all. "For me... I didn't really set out to forgive myself. And when the stakes are high, and I think I'm going to fail people, that litany doesn't go away. I still remember the faces I couldn't save. Starting with those first two."
"...I..." She hesitates, to say this. "I told you, that I felt like... Something /wanted/ me here. That same something helped me let go. I don't know if it's... a religious thing, or just something of my experiences, or even to do with having been... gone, for a long time."
"But that's what it was like for me, at least."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (12)] has posed.
It's been a long time. And it's like yesterday, perhaps.
Maybe it wasn't about either of them. Mai looks up, meets Mami's gaze, and just nods. Nods, and searches for words - but slowly takes up her tea to match, if only for something to occupy her hands. Because...sometimes something just hurts and there isn't a way to make it feel better.
But there's an honest, earnest confession to cap it off, and Mai considers that answer. Considers happier days, and that strange warmth that came with waking up in a hated uniform.
"It's...not a clear-cut thing. I think...I think you've changed for the better. You were...gone for a while, and I don't think any of us ever expected you back. Me, I barely got time to rest - there are days it feels less a kindness and more a task unfinished."
She takes a sip of tea, but it's beginning to cool a little too much. Down the cup goes - but the scone is still warm, and she takes a piece in her hand, even as the butter drips down a cragged edge.
"...it's not the same. But when that new day dawned, when I found myself in a kitchen I never expected to see again - I remembered. Like...something was reminding me to be kind in a way I could manage. If I hadn't been stretched so thin-" She shakes her head. "...I should make time. Before things change again. Just, I don't know, make parfaits for you and Sakura-san and Eri, and subject you all to a weirdly awkward dinner party."
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
Tea is tea. It is exacting, it requires precision... and it is what it is. The physical world is easier to focus on in many respects. Mami, too, drinks her tea. But evenually, after a while of silence, Mai speaks up, and Mami listens.
"I appreciate that," Mami says, of having changed for the better. But there's not much she can say about Mai's experience with returning to life. It's not the same, no. But...
"...Maybe it's not /so/ different," Mami says.
"...No more 'if's, hm?" Mami answers. "...I think that sounds nice. I'm willing to deal with some awkwardness for a good dinner." A smile. "I think we all need to remeber to make that time." Pause. "Which means..."
Mami sets down her teacup, "I should probably make some time, too." Sigh. "Well, let me know if you do find it, yes?"
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (12)] has posed.
A second chance at life was granted for a reason, after all. It feels...ungrateful to use that chance for the ordinary, everyday - but at the same time, a chance to live again could maybe be used to live again.
Mai finally takes a bite of the scone. And utters a very quiet curse. "...with bakeries like this, how am I supposed to compete?"
It is very good. Too good, in a way - but she spreads a little jam on another piece all the same.
"I can't promise it'll all be nice. For one, I'm still firmly an amateur cook. For another, I've still got too much pride and might butt heads with you again. Old habits die harder than we do." She grins a bit, perhaps a little teasingly - hearts have been bared but the world is a little better a place.
"...and I'm still something of a hot mess, to be honest. You saw that just a few days ago-" She shakes her head. "-but I won't get into that. I'm willing to follow your lead on that situation, at least. Well, yours and Eri's."
...the scone really is quite good with jam.
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
Mami Tomoe does not hesitate to use her second chance on cake and tea as well as on believing in justice. ...She does try the scone once Mai has, though. "It is good," she agrees, and smiles amiably at the worry. She is... still fairly secure in her own.
"Oh, that's fine," Mami says, airily. "I can't promise I won't, either." Old habits... Yes. The world is a little better a place; Mami actually laughs.
The matter of messes, though... "It was a hard situation," is all Mami will asy about it for now. "...But good. I have my worries for Eri-chan, but she won't steer you wrong, I think." A beat, "And obviously I think my approach is working out well enough!"
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (12)] has posed.
Mami Tomoe can laugh, and so can Mai, because some things are better.
Mai is in no mood to bring up just how the Wraiths got into her head, and Mami seems to be willing to let the matter lie. There's faith in Eri, and as for Mami's approach working...
"Well, of course you would think that. You're Mami Tomoe, after all." The older of the two girls brings back that smirk as old as their arguments.
But she also raises her tea cup and holds it out in a kind of toast. "Don't worry. I fully intend to let you know if I don't like how you're doing things - or if I think you're getting self-destructive again. At least, so long as you're ready to call me out for being a hypocrite."
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
Oh, Mami's not going to touch that one. There are people who can talk to Mai about that issue and Mami is quite certain her name is not on the list. Eri maybe. But that smirk... Mami laughs again. Of course she would. But still--
"Good," Mami answers, lifting her own teacup the same way. "By all means. I welcome it if it comes to it." A beat, "...I suppose I can stay ready for that in turn."
Clink.
