2015-10-10 - I Chose Me
| Title: I Chose Me | |
|---|---|
| Summary: Stranded together on a beautiful island by Beryl's malediction, Mai and Mami have few options besides talking. Understanding does not always lead to friendship. | |
| Who: | |
| Where: A desert island somewhere in the multiverse (Prism Flower) | |
| OOC - IC Date: 2015-10-10 - August 30th, 2014 or so | |
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (10)] has posed.
So far, things are simply /not/ turning up in Mami Tomoe's favor, lately.
While eventually she will (not that she knows this yet) make her way to Sayaka in greater time than she was expecting, just this /moment/ she is opening her eyes to find that she's sitting next to a tree. ...A few yards around her, there is sand, some greenery. And then there is water.
Lots, and lots, and lots of water. And the bright sun overhead. ...And she, of course, is still dressed in her magical attire, a cluster of guns having made the trip with her, though they are currently on the ground around her.
She is not feeling particularly at her best.
And she is not alone.
"...Wait, what?"
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
Things have not gone entirely well for Mai Tokiha.
The journey to the North Pole was, naturally, a cold one - and she, out of pride or suspicion, abandoned helicopter and portal both. A trip to the arctic in style, riding Kagutsuchi for the hours it took to reach Beryl's sanctum, friends accompanying her on the dragon's back. When they arrived, though...
An ambush. Hordes of demons, strong enough that Mai found herself fighting separately from her Child just to stay alive. And even when victory was won...
Across the countless worlds, she's found herself here. Alone, for the moment - not yet having had the chance to find out if her Child will answer when called. And hot - terribly hot, and not in the self-confident sense. Her scarf and winter jacket have to be abandoned immediately, dumped ignobly upon the sand beside her. Into the sky she squints, shading her eyes - and then out into the endless blue ocean beyond.
There's no ships. No ports. Nothing. Just a sunny island, and a HiME left to try to cool off in the tropical heat alone-
-not alone, judging by the exclamation. Mai turns, a bright expression of relief on her face, speaking before even looking. "Oh good, someone else. At least I'm not stuck here al-" The word dies on her tongue, a brief strangled noise sounding from her throat as she realizes just who she's stuck here with.
In the bright sun, Mai Tokiha sags. "Of course. It just had to be you here."
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (10)] has posed.
"..."
Mami sighs, completely openly. She heard the whole thing, of course, the relief before Mai actually looked at her, all of it. She isn't bothering to change, for the moment. Her head is already swimming in the aftermath of the battle at the North Pole, of...
She decides to think about Mai.
"My, Tokiha-san, it's so lovely to see you, too." She keeps a skeptical, level stare for a good second.
...Then, her shoulders sink slightly, too, and she shakes her head.
"...I never thought I'd wonder if I'd rather just be by myself," she says remembering the last time they 'spoke'.
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
There's a gentle breeze, rustling great palm leaves, gently stirring up the ocean's surface. For a moment, Mai tries not to think about Mami, just enjoying the breeze...but it's hard to ignore. And the sun is blazing hot, making it distinctly uncomfortable.
More uncomfortable than this pending conversation?...maybe. Meeting Mami's gaze, Mai lets out an open sigh of her own. "...and here we are. Sorry, I'm sure there's plenty of people you'd rather see right now, but I guess we're stuck."
She hesitates a moment - then scoops up her winter clothes, approaches to join Mami in the shade. Cautious, and still wearing her shining bangles - but fairly calm. "...I'll be honest, though, I can think of worse people to be stuck on a desert island. I don't suppose you happen to know anything?..."
Worse people. Plenty, even. Mai goes to Ohtori, after all.
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (10)] has posed.
Mami looks out over the water, as it continues to flow and rock in the distance... And the not so distance. She gets the firm impression that she isn't dreaming after all. ...But she can't go telling Mai what she thinks. Not about...
"...You're apologizing," Mami points out, and looks up at the older girl thoughtfully. ...The fact is that Mai /is/ older than Mami, something Mami hadn't considered until now, though it's fairly clear.
They both go to Ohtori.
"I suppose, given all that's going on, that we can... Set some things aside. ...Just for now."
Pause.
"I'm afraid that I don't. I should be with someone else right now. ...Someone I was trying to watch out for. I don't know why I'm here, or why you're here, or even where this place /is/."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
Mai arrives, claiming a spot of shade close to but not next to Mami. Her roommate is practically a cat in her own way, and Mai is being practically feline herself in her mannerisms here. She glances over after a moment, with just the hint of a smirk. "Apologizing for darkening the figurative door, at any rate. But, hesitant as I might be to say it...you're right. Bigger things to worry about."
It's a good bit cooler in the shade, and Mai wipes at her brow. Any hope that the seemingly-senior magical girl here knows more than Mai does is, unfortunately, quickly stamped out. "...worth a shot. I guess we're in the same boat - no idea where we are. Or why we're stuck together, of all people." Another sigh, and Mai looks out into the distant ocean.
...no Mikoto. No Eri. Not even Natsuki is here, wherever here is... She mutters quietly, but not so quietly that the Puella Magi can't hear. "...I really hope they're all right."
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (10)] has posed.
"I'm surprised that you're apologizing regardless," Mami answers. She doesn't smirk back, but she does lift an eyebrow... before inclining her head. "Yes. ...Though this /would/ be an ideal place to settle our differences. The ocean doesn't care much."
A pause.
"None at all. Of all the things I expected--... Well, when I thought I might not be going home again, this wasn't exactly what I assumed would happen."
...Mami turns to look at Mai. "I hope so, too."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
"The ocean doesn't burn, you mean?" Mai stretches out her arms - still wearing those bangles, and with a wary eye to the heap of guns near Mami - tries to spy anything at all on the horizon. She's got fairly good eyes, but...nothing. Nothing to be seen, nothing to distract from her companion here. "...but in spite of what you probably think of me, I'm not exactly eager to get into a battle to the death. Sorry to disappoint - again."
She's a bit more tense - as relaxing as the island might seem, it's hard to forget certain promises that were made, before. But - in spite of how much they might be at odds, there's one thing that's clear. Even Mami Tomoe, it seems, can care about someone else.
Which really makes their agrument all the more frustrating, if she's to think about it.
Mai looks over at Mami again - really looks, this time, trying to catch the worry in her expression. "...you know. Once upon a time, I really did think highly of you. This being before we ever spoke, mind, but - I saw you in action. I was impressed, back then. And now...now, I just wonder why. Why you're doing...all of this."
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (10)] has posed.
Mami doesn't even bother looking, anymore. Not right now, anyway. The ocean can just be the ocean.
"That's right," she says back. "...Is that so? Well, I /am/ disappointed."
Despite the sweet expression, a master of sarcasm like Mai will almost certainly recognize it.
Mami can't hide that feeling Mai's looking for--it's present. ...But looking, the worry is barely covering over something tired, something that comes out at Mai's explanation. ...And then it just stays there, as she shakes her head and looks up to the sky.
"...All of what, exactly, Tokiha-san? Exactly what are you wondering?"
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
There's no denying it - and Mai Tokiha, Master Of The Sarcastic Drawl, recognizes Mami's tone for what it is. She laughs, more than she has since that reflection appeared before her, sharp and loud. "Well, isn't that a shame? Guess we'll have to reschedule, Tomoe..."
But there's...well. That tired look, beneath the worry, beneath the sarcasm...Mai looks away, casting her own gaze into the azure heavens. She doesn't like staring into what could be a reflection. "...why you fight. Why you step up to the cause...or why you feel like you should tell others what they should do. Take your pick."
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (10)] has posed.
"Maybe I can pencil you in after the apocalypse."
Mami's sense of humor, as a rule, is typically understated.
...And absent, now, in the face of those questions. She doesn't see her reflection in Mai, for many reasons, not least of which that in a lot of ways she simply doesn't /know/ Mai. ...But she sees the way the older girl looks away. She can feel that maybe something showed through. Something she ought to hide...
But she thinks of the terrible battle at the North Pole, of the last time she saw Mai... and of seeing Homura, the way that she saw her that day.
"...Do you know what happens, Tokiha-san," Mami begins, "To a Puella Magi who uses up the last of her magic? ...Who stops fighting. I'm sure that you don't. We keep such things a secret. ...But would you like to?"
A beat, "I've been fighting this way for a long time, now. I was a scared little girl when I started, you know. I remember so clearly how I thought that I could help people." She lets that hang on the air. "...But you know, there's so much more to helping others than you think about, when you're a child. And not everyone is interested in that same goal. ...Even those that are, even those that /try/ to help..."
"Well, it doesn't matter what good intent you have to the one you can't save. They're still dead, the same way as if you meant for it to happen."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
"Tell you what. If it winds up being my fault, consider yourself to have a reservation." Black humour, perhaps, but there's no better place for it.
There's a quiet that seems to fall over the small, barely populated island. Any quip Mai might want to make to the girl in yellow...it's not the time. Not the place. It's just...
At the mention of the grand secret of the Puella Magi...the HiME's eyes widen in surprise. Surprise, hope...fear. It's a mystery she's wondered for...months, easily. Something secret to one of her dearest friends, something that could help Mai keep her safe...
And yet, shrouded in mystery, it's a secret that worries her. A peril hanging over that friend, of which her only knowledge is that there's precious little she can do to help.
Mai closes her eyes. For a moment, all that can be heard from her are long, calming breaths. Breaths that become considerably shorter as Mami talks about intentions, about helping others...
"I know about intentions." It's quiet, almost angrily uttered. "And I don't mean the obvious - that's been my life for years. Working and working to try to make things better for - for someone important to me. And...it won't make a bit of difference. It still comes down to whether he can find a donor, whether the operation succeeds...I can do everything I can, and it still might amount to nothing. So..."
She sighs, letting out her breath in a single burst. "...I get desperate. If the people I love are in danger...well. You saw what can happen. My intentions...it's all I can do to keep the people I care about safe, in what ways I can. And Eri-chan...all I know is that she has to keep fighting those Witch things, that she doesn't have a choice to stop. That there's nothing I can do to help, there..."
Mai goes quiet a moment longer. A long, deep breath...and she turns to Mami. "This won't help at all. But...I need to know anyway. What happens?"
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (10)] has posed.
"Wonderful," the blonde girl replies. "I'll keep that in mind."
For Mami, it feels less like it falls, and more like she's the one who puts it there, like she's blanketed this sandy little place in something she ought to have kept for herself. ...But it's a little too late to put it back now. Once something's broken...
Mami sees shattered glass, in her memory. She clsoes her eyes, shaking her head to dispel it so she can let herself listen to Mai, instead. ...The calming breaths don't exactly help since they aren't very calm.
Mai actually /talking/ gives her something else to focus on. What she /says/...
Mami finds herself watching Mai, drawn into that particular story. She remains quiet, right up until Mai actually turns to look at her. She finds that Mami is already looking back, and something in her eyes might have some of that reflection, after all.
Mami regrets bringing it up.
"No," she agrees, "It won't help. ...What happens, Tokiha-san, is very simple. If we run out of magic--if we stop fighting--we die. If we lose, if we can't win against the Witches--we die. If we make just enough mistakes..."
Mami attempts to hold Mai's gaze, "And even if we don't, you can only keep going for so long. Everyone slips up eventually. ...Have you met many Puella Magi even your age, Tokiha-san?"
Finally, she turns her head. "Whatever a Puella Magi's mission, whatever it is that she wants to accomplish--I advise that you recall that hunting is a matter of life and death for each one of us. ...And most of us are more than willing to make it someone /else's/ death."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
There's no immediate response to Mami's explanation. Little bits of information - little glimpses into the life into the Puella Magi, the price paid for the wish they receive...a piece of the puzzle is finally put into place, and everything around it matching at last. Mai's silence is deep - for half a minute, she doesn't even breathe.
And then that held breath is released in an explosive burst, with a quiet utterance that is absolutely unladylike.
The HiME stands - aside from that expetive, having not yet uttered a word. She looks far away from Mami, just staring into the horizon - or maybe further still. Finally, though... "...so stupid. Of course she-" There's a frustrated, infuriated, strangled noise, and she abandons that statement. Just...puts the silence back, to hang for a few minutes while Mai paces around the terribly small shore of the island.
"...she really did try to hide that. But...small wonder she hasn't talked about her future lately. At all." Mai slumps down under the same tree as Mami - a trunk between them, so the HiME doesn't have to -look- at the Puella Magi. But closer, all the same. "...it's worse knowing. But thanks, all the same."
A wave crashes nearby, and Mai's head just falls back against the trunk. "...Tomoe. Do you want to know why I have a fiery dragon of destruction?" She sighs - and before the Puella Magi can answer, Mai continues. "There was a monster. A big one - one that survived being cut in half, for crying out loud - and it was bound and determined to eat my little brother. There's no way he could run. no way for us to escape...and I was offered a choice. Break the seal on Kagutsuchi, put my life on the line, and save him. How hard a choice do you think that was?"
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (10)] has posed.
Mami doesn't break that silence. ...Not until Mai does.
She turns to look at Mai at that particular thing she said, but she doesn't actually speak up. Instead, she stays quiet... and watches. She watches, and thinks about how clearly Mai's feelings come out, all that just... Pure, simply-expressed anger.
She feels envy, as she looks.
She doesn't say 'you're welcome.' Instead, she listens to the same wave crashing, head still turned to look at Mai, still listening as she goes on. ...She would hae said she was interested, regardless.
"I see," Mami replies. "...This is 'him.' The one you were talking about." She pauses, but it's not a question. She lets that pause draw out, another moment, and then looks more closely at Mai, attempting to meet her eyes.
"...So was it the next instant you accepted? Or did you think about it for /two/ seconds?"
A beat.
"...I wish I could say I would have done the same. Regardless of what I think of your approach, Tokiha-san... Well."
Golden eyes turn back out on the waves. "...About her, well... It's difficult, when you're in a situation like that, to think about your future. I've done this for years, now. A long time. And for my part..." She looks down at her hand. "Well, I don't have a future. It's that simple. But the world does. And if I'm going to be gone, then..."
"You asked why I feel like I can tell people what to do? ...It's because I want things to get /better/ after I die. Not worse."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
When Mami asks her question, Mai's eyes are closed. She laughs softly in response - that kind of little laugh that's barely concealing a sob. "...yeah, exactly. One of those really awful questions with a horribly easy answer. ...I don't know what you might have done, Tomoe, I just know what I did. Would still do."
The HiME is quiet herself, staring out into the waves. The topic takes a turn for the...fatalistic from there, but it's not like it's ground Mai hasn't trod before. "...I am sorry to hear that. In spite of everything...you, Homura, Eri. None of you deserve that. As for me..."
She laughs, again. Quiet and sad. "...I haven't bothered thinking about my future. Not until I've done what I can to make sure my brother can still have his.Until I've done the same for all the others who are precious to me...but I'm not like you. I'm not bold enough to think of what the whole world's going to do after I'm gone....just a few people."
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (10)] has posed.
Mami nods, quietly, at what Mai says about what she did, and what she'd do again. She keeps silent, though, for the moment; she can hear what was almost crying in that voice. It's clear.
...And the next is...
'None of you deserve that.' Mami is particularly silent about that point; it's more than not talking. It's actively looking away.
Mai's the only one laughing. ...But not the only one sad, at least.
"...I see." Finally, she speaks up, but the words come out slightly roughly, as if in those moments of not speaking more time passed than Mami realized or expected, and she forgot how to speak up. "You think it's bold, hm? ...I suppose. I'm not one to shy away from something dramatic." A pause.
"You don't know what I'd do," the blonde girl answers, "But I do. We realy are different, you know. ...You see, I was faced with a similar situation, once. But when it was /my/ family on the line? I chose me."
"I hope you can protect them. I mean that. But while I respect your reasons... You are wrong about one thing." Mami turns back to look at Mai. "Some of us deserve exactly what we're getting."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
Rough, earnest words. Mai doesn't smile at Mami's comments about dramatics, as much as they might amuse her - they're finally being honest with each other in their own way. For the magnitude of their clash...it's different outlooks on life. And Mami's might not be one Mai can agree with, but it's at least one she might understand and respect-
'But I do.' The ocean is suddenly less interesting than the nearest pebble - Mai rounds around fully to stare at Mami openly. As the younger veteran magical girl admits to at least one similarity between them...a greater one than Mai might have imagined.
"You chose..." The HiME trails off, looking at Mami Tomoe in new light. Once upon a riverbank, there was a choice...and finally, deep in her heart, Mai can understand the girl before her. A single, selfish, tragic choice...and trying to make up for that choice. In Mami, Mai can see herself reflected.
Which means Mai can accept Mami just as readily as she accepts herself.
"...deserve what you're getting?....mm." Mai's response is simple and harsh; she doesn't argue the point.
The older girl stands up, takes a few steps out of the shade to stand in the sun again. Turned away from the tree, she looks out into the distance. "...I feel a little bad for some of the people we both know, Tomoe. We're...probably not ever really going to get along enough to be friends."
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (10)] has posed.
Mami doesn't really expect respect or understanding from Mai. ...Not that it's really about expecting anything. Some things are shared only because they've been held so long that they just start spilling, one way or another.
Mai stares at her, and Mami looks back, calmly. ...Calmly isn't really the right word, though. It has all the hallmarks of calmness; slow, even breathing, no sudden movements, a simple, neutral expression--but there's something different to it.
It's the face of a girl who's started to give up.
Mami inclines her head, slowly, at that response. It's simple, it's harsh... There's something almost elegant about that. "That's right."
Mami stays seated. She doesn't bother to look out into the distance. She can already see something else without focusing anywhere but within.
"They'll live," Mami answers, sounding again like she's the senior magical girl. Knowing where she stands helps. "And so will you."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
Part of Mai just wants to burst out laughing at the irony of it all. That this girl - this pillar of the magical community - with whom she'd clashed so much... The problem wasn't how different they were. It's how similar they were, differing largely in how they answered.
It's a strange kind of relief, even if it cements the rift between them.
Mami acting as the senior magical girl...she might be. Though which of them has longer experience with guilt...never mind. This time, Mai does laugh to herself a bit, tilting her head back as she mutters aloud. "I've lost enough for the sake of my selfishness..."
A deep breath - and she turns back to the still-seated Mami. One in the light, one in the shade, the two can look at each other clearly. "...so. As...nice as this island might be, I do have people I care about. I don't know about you - but I think it's time I got out of here. See if there's a path to my precious people out there."
A moment's hesitation, as Mai looks at the doomed Puella Magi. "...interested in coming along?"
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (10)] has posed.
After all, the rumors about Mami don't talk about her history much. They only mention that she's been doing this for years... And that she's noted as something of a loner. That she used to be with the Tuners, but couldn't work with them.
But things are a little different, over time.
Mami looks to Mai, at her muttering. But she only looks. And then she's seeing her clearly, still seated where she is at the moment.
'I don't know about you - '
Her lip twitches, slightly, just at the side, with the sheer sting of that implication.
It makes it more surprising when Mai offers something.
She hesitates, looking out over the ocean... the featureless, everlasting ocean.
"...I'll go," she answers. "There are still things I have to do."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
Still things to do?... "...reason enough, I guess."
Mai brings one hand up to her chest for a moment, closes her eyes in concentration...then opens them, looking at Mami with a slightly more confident smirk. "Just for the record, I'd appreciate it if you pass on shooting me if this works. ...and if it doesn't, things are going to be a lot more awkward." She closes her eyes again, looking deep within...and then speaks a single word as a plea, an entreaty from far away.
"Kagutsuchi."
There's a feeling like a resounding heartbeat, the faintest suggestion of a strange sword piercing the heard of Mai's shadow - and then the ocean behind her ignites in a grand inferno. The beast towering above her is mercifully the same as ever - alabaster flesh adorned with strange bits of armor, serpentine body accompanied by wings that are as great sheets of flame. Between dragon and phoenix, Kagutsuchi spreads his wings and sings out a triumphal cry.
Many eyes look down on the island - look directly at Mami. Mai holds up a hand before the Child, though, shaking her head. "No. She's an...ally."
For how long, she doesn't say. But she turns to Mami all the same, and holds out one hand. No friendly smile accompanying it, but an invitation all the same. "So. Willing to accept a ride?"
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (10)] has posed.
"Oh, I already said you'd live. I don't make a habit of missing when I shoot." Mami plays it off casually, and then she watches something she hasn't gotten a chance to really stop and see.
...It's a strange thing to watch. She remembers how frightening Kagutsuchi is, as it looks down at her. Her breath catches. For all her experience... /This/ thing remains terrifying.
"...Well, it had to be fire, didn't it?" She shakes her head.
Looking up at Mai, though, she doesn't smile, either. She instead reaches out to take the hand. "All right. For now, we're in this together."
<Pose Tracker> Mai Tokiha [Ohtori Academy (11)] has posed.
It is a testament to the Tokiha self-preservation trait that Mai doesn't even blink at the implicit threat.
Kagutsuchi, for his part, watches the Puella Magi carefully - by whatever metric the Child uses, Mami is being treated as a serious potential threat. But...Mai has commanded, and Mami is only a potential threat, so Kagutsuchi acquiesces. The sinuous, serpentine tail curls gently around to rest upon the shore, offer Mami a way to climb on.
"Sorry, Tomoe. That's all the magic I got - fire, more fire, and a side order of fire." Mai grips the hand - a professional handshake, more than an enthusiastic one - and nods. "Right. We just have to find how to get back to Beryl's lair, and make her answer for...all this.
As they climb on the dragon's back, Mai looks back upon the tiny island. She's quiet for a moment...and then laughs to herself, a smile on her face. "...hey, Tomoe? I'll say this much - I could have been stuck on an island with worse than you. At least you're not one of those creep's who'd have spent the whole time staring at my chest." Not to name names. "Those, I might have fed to Kagutsuchi."
Whether or not that was a joke, Kagutsuchi lets out a soft whale-like croon in answer.
<Pose Tracker> Mami Tomoe [Ohtori Academy (10)] has posed.
Mami thought it was clever.
Mami acts calmly, making no sudden movements... In part because she is still expecting this whale-dragon to pounce at more or less any second. She /is/ a potential threat, to be certain. ...And maybe more of one than Mai /or/ Mami can realize.
"It could be worse," she says instead, and this professional handshake is something she can accept. "So, you're saying it's going to be easy. I'm glad, I was thinking I might want to have some tea before it gets much later."
She walks along after, and is listening for sure when Mai actually /smiles/ her way. Saying that...
Mami, expression pleasant, laughs softly, glancing down at the island, too.
"If we'd been stranded here with a boy like /that/, I'd have helped you do it."
