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She left the World Tree, and she knew only one thing: she must find her Lord Brother. She must pour all her energies into the search, to find him, to apologise for her perfect world being different from the vision he had for her. To bring that perfect world into reality - the true perfect world, the one he desired - she must find him.
Mikoto dreamt again, that night, abstract black-glass nightmares as her brain struggled to comprehend the darkness which had consumed her on the tower. Within it was a command, issued from her darkest parts in recognition of the dangers presented by Eri's questions: she must destroy.
It was this onus of destruction which saw her descending on Vita, fully intending to take her life. The decision was barely conscious; in her battle-fugue she stalked and apprehended her in broad daylight. But Vita would not fight - and as a civilian, Mikoto found she could not lower her blade onto her. People who couldn't attack her could not be her enemies. She tried to incite Vita to violence, and failed. It was Vita who incensed her, instead, as Mikoto felt her words of triumph were a scathing indictment of her failure to keep her Lord Brother safe and happy. She might have felled her regardless of her feelings, then, if a bystander had not rounded the corner - so instead, she swore her vengeance and left.
She was not the only enemy Mikoto spoke with, though Eri's injunction not to fight the Chevaliers without reason held fast. Cure Passion tried to understand her, only for Mikoto to end up screaming at her. Nanoha found Mikoto in her bakery - and Mikoto tried to behave herself in the enemy's territory, but regardless abjured any attempt to call her a friend. Fate tried to reach out, and her familiar history wounded Mikoto deeply before she pushed the nascent realisation away. Her enemies were wearing her down, inch by painful inch, and she hated feeling so weak in the face of something she could not call an attack at all. But it was difficult for enemies to reach someone like Mikoto, even as she tried to kill Westar for trying to get her help in dragging Setsuna back to Labyrinth.
A friend, on the other hand... would have much better luck. For at the same time as Mikoto struggled with the words of her enemies, she listened wholeheartedly to the words of Homura Akemi, a girl she trusted well. Homura had defeated Mai's murderer, after all. And Homura took the belief Mikoto had forged for herself, that little scrap of ethics she had fought for under the cover of her Lord Brother's brutal instruction - that people who couldn't fight her could not be her enemies at all - and she shattered it unblinking. They had to kill Sayaka as a civilian, and Homura could not have Mikoto flinching out of a misplaced sense of honour. It hurt, and yet Mikoto discarded the belief without hesitation, because she loved Eri, and she wanted Eri to live.
It was Mai Tokiha herself who almost lifted another of her self-imposed limitations. She shared her fears with her as they tried to take a Golden Week holiday, how battered she felt by the barrage of words she could not defend against, and Mai told her the one thing she had denied for so long: words could be an attack, too. But if words were a method of fighting, Mikoto would have to fight so many more people - including the bullies of Ohtori. Mai struggled to reason with Mikoto that words ought to only be fought with more words, and told her to ignore them, or shout or call to Mai for help before she drew her blade. And yet, she said that sometimes, there was no other choice... and Mikoto knew well what she meant. She felt foolish, for not realising that she was being attacked. Now she knew.
She spent the Darkness Festival with Eri, and at first it was a pleasant thing. But with the realisation that Miroku could be called a vessel, the tone changed. Eri eventually came to share that Puella Magi's bodies weren't alive like hers, and Mikoto shared her own conflict about not remembering things, recalling the way she attacked Vita in fugue. It was not a concern she articulated well, and Eri led her stumbling onto a hot plate, just as the other girl tried to explain to her. It led Eri to take her to a ruined church and share another tale of touching hot stoves... which only made Mikoto feel more isolated, unable to comprehend Kyouko's betrayal when she had only known love from her family. She might have locked Eri out, then, had Eri not tried so hard to reassure her they were the same in all the vicious ways which mattered.
Though she had good times, shopping with Mai and karaoking with her and Ye-jin, and insightful times as she learnt of the woes of Takeo's family, there were other people she'd rather keep at arms reach. Lera tried and failed to reach out to Mikoto, again, though Mikoto realised with relief that Lera had not meant to leave her in a Witch-infested garden. Perhaps that much she could tolerate, but Setsuna Higashi tried, too - and the two of them found it so hard to communicate that they ended up fighting. Mikoto decimated her, and might have destroyed her, if not for Fate's swift intercession. And as she came to her senses in the ruins of the battlefield, she realised she'd messed up.
Kasagami found her in the boughs of the tree she had cut down, exhausted but largely unharmed. She had a great amount of criticism for Mikoto's actions and attitude, which Mikoto absorbed without even trying to defend herself, because even if Kasagami was hurting her with words she had brought it on herself. Despite her frustration, Kasagami nursed at the scrapes and scratches Mikoto had accrued, and perhaps in a better world Mikoto would realise that her words not lining up with her actions spoke to a deeper love than her irritated admiration. Instead Mikoto was sure she had erred -- a certainty which weighed her down as she helped Kimiko hunt, and finally came to a head as she joined Eri for her own gardening. Miroku's blade carved close to Eri as she cleaved through the familiars, and when Eri pressed whether Mikoto was really all right, she flinchingly confessed her sins. Eri reassured her that she'd done the best she could have done, and that it was the Chevaliers' fault for pushing her. Mikoto finally told her about the way the Chevaliers had been targetting her -- and Eri both explained the way they saw the Shepherds as weak and in need of salvation, and defended their enemies as not truly wanting to weaken her for an easy kill.
When Fate tried to engage her on what she had done, as she and Arf happened upon Mikoto during Children's Day, she denied any wrongdoing at all. But she remembered Kasagami's frustration, and so she tried to warn Fate away. Fate asked whether Mikoto enjoyed killing, and it was not a question she could fully answer. She tried to say her feelings on the subject didn't matter, and Fate again told her they did. As she stalked from Tama to the heart of Tokyo to get away from her, she found someone else who considered her thoughts: Sailor Neptune, who had been troubled by visions of Mikoto. Unlike Fate, Sailor Neptune was a friend, and so Mikoto smilingly answered her questions -- though she talked often of Eri, and little of herself, a thing Neptune soon remarked on. Mikoto did not ask Neptune in turn who she was or the details of her purpose: instead she simply wanted to know how she could pronounce Linden Baum's menu so aptly.
It took her a while to remember /why/ she'd gone to Tama: the Children's Day sports festival, where Takumi was volunteering. She and Mai spent a while there, but their day was interrupted as Esmeraude summoned one of her dark minions to the field. Following Mai's lead, Mikoto leapt into battle; she desperately wanted to be able to act in the defence of civilians, for once in her life, and her wish and wholehearted devotion to the fight was rewarded with their safety. And as Golden Week drew to a close, Mikoto searched out Yumi, whom she had not been able to locate through the holidays. They got excited for normal things, like scones and swimming, and did not talk of the dark clouds on the horizon. The only hint was the way Mikoto ended up napping on Yumi, trapping her on the couch, because she'd been doing so much.
It was nice to do something inarguably good for once.
But Mikoto had promises to keep.
Homura came to her without warning to tell her the time had come, and Mikoto followed without question. But though Homura left a hole where Sayaka's heart ought to be, she did not die, and Kozue would not allow Mikoto to kill her. She ground down her feelings for Kozue with each heft of her blade, realising that being a warrior who could defeat any enemy did not mean she had to be stronger - only that she was willing to go further. (Realising, and pushing aside the realisation, that she did not enjoy it at all.) This was a sentiment she followed to its conclusion as Kozue's child Cassandra trapped her with no hope of escape, and she called Miroku to shatter them all. But Utena swept in, ever the valiant prince, to rescue Sayaka - and Kozue was retrieved by someone so much more familiar. Shizuru. She stood with magical weapon and spoke with nobility, every inch of her designed to communicate how much higher she stood. And Mikoto, who recognised that manner so instinctually, knew fear. She could not hope to fight someone... like her brother.
Shizuru bid her to see to Eri, insinuated that perhaps her enemies had the same idea they'd had, and Mikoto ran.
With Homura's help, Mikoto was able to track down Eri, and she found her safe - but not all right. Motionless, Eri told her she deserved better than being her assassin, and Mikoto despaired, because what else could she do to make this better? She wanted it to be fair, though Eri shut down those hopes as she loomed. She told Mikoto about her own hopes - and how impossible they were. She'd need a miracle to fix her life, and she'd used hers already. And she dragged Mikoto's own secret dreams from the place she had tried to bury them, her wish to be with Mai and to fight Orphans instead of girls.
(Her wish that her Lord Brother would respect her and listen to her, even if he didn't like what she had to say.)
It troubled Mikoto, and like all things which troubled her, she tried to push it aside and not think about it. She dragged Mai and Eri to one of Ye-jin's parties - only for the cake to disappear as the lights went out! No one believed Mikoto at first, who smelt the frosting slip away, and saw no hands moving it illuminated by everyone's mobile phones. Eri eventually realised she was telling thr truth, and Mikoto left her two most important girls to take care of each other in Ye-jin's improvised courtroom as she slipped away to address the problem. With Georgia Jenks and Steven Universe, she found the cake -- and when she did, she found that Georgia, too, was HiME. (They would later resolve to fight monsters together, a gloriously uncomplicated proposal which delighted her.) She did not share her revelation with Mai, afterwards; she was too busy testing the waters of Mai's anger towards Eri. She found that Mai felt little animosity, and confessed the weight of Sayaka's wrath which hung over Eri like a guillotine - as well as a few things she didn't mean to say, as she insisted that she wouldn't give up on Eri.
It was that refusal to give up which drove her to confront Setsuna Higashi, instead of monitoring her like Homura had told her to do with the Chevaliers. Setsuna was still injured from their conflict, and so Mikoto reasoned it would be easy to scare her away from Eri - and in this way prevent further bloodshed. Instead she learned that Setsuna wanted to protect Eri, too... and she learned Setsuna's name. It was a moment of surprising openness, but she realised at the last moment that she could not rely on her enemies to help her - even though Eri's words about what the Lotus world meant still rang in her ears. Conflicted and confused, she fled.
Midst her tireless searching and the remnants of war, of course, there was still class to take care of. Mikoto actually attended the cooking class she was supposed to take part in -- only to test out an incredibly spicy sauce Usagi and her friends had made. The Demon Cat of Ohtori rampaged through the halls of Infinity Institute, only stopped by the famed Michiru Kaioh, who just happened to have milk on hand. Usagi came by Mikoto and Mai's dorm, the next day, with a box of Makoto's cookies to apologise. Their conversation turned to romance, and when Usagi asked if Mikoto had ever wanted to kiss anyone she realised what she had not quite managed to put together throughout a thousand subtle hints: she was sweet on Mai Tokiha. But she knew that if she told her, Mai would run away -- and besides, Mai treated her like a kid, not like a fellow girl. Usagi suggested proving she really was a girl just like Mai, and Mikoto immediately took the suggestion on board as she dragged Usagi into a plot to make more cookies. (It did not work out well, but at least they had Makoto's cookies to ply Mai with in the aftermath.)
Mikoto found herself pulled into the preparations for the Kanda Festival. Her enemy, Vita, was there - and Mikoto reached out haplessly to Yumi for guidance, only to be reassured that it was all right. With Yumi, and Signum under the name of Yagami, Mikoto filled the hot air balloon which would become the parade float Majestia. She realised midway through that Signum, too, was an enemy - but Signum insisted she was just here for the celebration, and so haltingly Mikoto reached out for her assistance in their preparations.
When the festival started in earnest, Mikoto was there to help support Yumi, in case the crowds got too much for her. But it was not the people who were overwhelming: it was the float, Majestia, animated by magic and acting in destruction. At first, Mikoto was incensed to see her magic hijacked in such a fashion; it was only as the fight stretched on, and Majestia was pierced to reveal a great malevolent eye of magic, that she began to realise perhaps it was a true reflection of her power. Rather than fight what felt like Miroku, she ran; she did not run far enough. It was only the purifying magics of the likes of Steven and Yumi which saved her.
The events troubled her, and as she searched later, she took refuge in the boughs of the World Tree to think. There she met Soular, who pressed upon her the urgency of her search. He forced her to confront the fact that she had not found her Lord Brother, though she had searched for two long years. She realised it was still the most important thing, to her - and resolved to redouble her efforts, though she was already running at breaking point.
She was not the only one. The conflict between Eri and Sayaka boiled over as Sayaka, Kozue, Endo, and Tsubasa made an assault on Kyouko and Eri; but the Shepherds were there to intercede, and so, surprisingly, were the splintered Chevaliers, now led by Nori Ankou. Mikoto's battle with Kozue found itself interrupted by the other obsidian-wielder, as la Sirene de Diamant struggled to reach out to Kozue. In the end, Mikoto found herself working -- if not with her -- at least towards a similar purpose. It was a strange partnership which advanced as Sayaka and her friends converged on the Labyrinth Eri and Kyouko were in, Tsubasa blocking the path. Mikoto expended herself, summoning a great and towering blade to split the one Tsubasa wrought: they were things stories tall, built to bisect buildings, not people. As they carved into each other, hers instead became structurally integral to the terminal they had ravaged; she had to sustain the spell. It was an unfortunate situation, as they rushed into the flooded building, and she found Eri and Kyouko about to be washed away. It was all she could do to summon a cage of obsidian around them, and beseech her friends for help.
Once everyone was extracted from the terminal - when she could finally release her magic - Mikoto was exhausted, bereft of the will to fight. In weariness she heard Homura's revelation that Eri was a gem, and that the end she was meant was only to become a Witch. She did not struggle to accept it as much as others did. She knew, already, that there could be dark things inside girls. She had seen how her own power looked to everyone else, after all. Mikoto reaffirmed her dedication to Eri, even knowing what she would become.
The Chevaliers and Shepherds both realised that the witch which was Sayaka had to be dealt with, and some of each of their number agreed to watch it, together. It was Mikoto who first checked on la Sirene, the next day, and ushered her out of her vigil so that she could see to her wounds. La Sirene blamed Homura; Mikoto could not bring herself to do so. Homura knew something which no one could know. Mikoto felt some kinship to that struggle, as she realised that she could not tell her friends about her own worries without putting herself at risk.
She shared what she could with Mai and Natsuki, and when she came to support Eri, she found herself put in a strange position: taking responsibility for Eri's wellbeing. Seeing the other girl's desperation, she stepped, uncomfortably, into command - and told her what to do. It was this responsibility which pushed her to go further in assisting Eri, maintaining her territory, failing to warn innocents away from Familiars. She took responsibility, too, in failing to tell Eri about the way she no longer protected anyone in her garden, so that Eri would have enough to eat.
It was another thread of desperation which defined the way she pushed herself, further and further, as she sought to intensify her search, and see to the thing which was Sayaka, and take care of Eri. Amongst the many people who saw the way stress winnowed her was Madoka - and Mikoto realised, as the other girl brought her a bento just for her, that her anger was misplaced. Madoka was not unlike her, even if she was not a warrior.
It was Mai, in the end, who provided Mikoto with a light in the dark. Following Usagi's advice, Mikoto asked to help prepare bento in the mornings with her; another promise, one to keep her from disappearing in the early hours of the morning to search. It provided some scarce reprieve: Mikoto could, at least, wake up with Mai and spend time with her, before the constant grind of her innumerable tasks overwhelmed her for the day. Mikoto could not express how important it was to her, even if she made a poor assistant in the kitchen.
A point of stability was important, with the way her world was changing rapidly around her. The Chevaliers and the Shepherds were working together, now - a union expressed succinctly as the two factions joined each other for karaoke. Mikoto felt her fears that Eri was condemned were only confirmed, but in truth, it was not only fear which led her to pledge her strength to Kozue's plea for help. She could not make herself reach out to a girl who had once been her friend - but she would help her, and perhaps in this way her feelings would reach her.
Kozue hoped that their feelings would reach Sayaka, too. If they could help her, they could break the ignoble fate which awaited Puella Magi. But as they fought into the heart of Oktavia's labyrinth, it became clear that their mission was fraught. Oktavia was a monster, and did not listen even to her closest people. Mikoto, deep in berserkergang, could offer no words of solace. In desperation she called on Miroku to breech the ground with its club, but it was not enough to save Kozue and Cassandra. As it became clear that the two would be killed, in fact, Mikoto dismissed her Child from the field. She could not risk Miroku, no matter her feelings for Kozue.
And Kozue died, and took the Witch with her.
Mikoto would never know if she could have stopped it if only she fought a little harder.
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