2022-08-20 - Lies and Guilt
| Title: Lies and Guilt | |
|---|---|
| Summary: Kyouka reflects on her first team battle and the messy business of hiding the truth from her mother. | |
| Who: | |
| Where: Chofu Suburban District to Kyouka's Home | |
| OOC - IC Date: 2022-08-20 - Wednesday, Jan 06, 2016 | |
Today… had been a good day. No matter what else followed, when the adrenaline high of battle had worn off, and she was left alone with her thoughts on the bus ride back home… she would ultimately remember today as a good day.
She'd attended the amazing Dezome-shiki parade, and been enthralled by the unexpected acrobatics display from the firefighters the parade was meant to honor… right up until a real live ogre emerged and threatened the gathered crowds.
One woman, in the middle of an acrobatic stunt, had her destination ladder knocked away by the ogre, which surely meant, at a minimum, grave injury, if not worse–
–and Kyouka and Strike Wolf had managed to save her, thanks to her training and practice. In the din of uncertainty and pandemonium, a single bright clear line of action presented itself, and she had followed it without question, without even needing to think about it. She'd called out to Strike Wolf, who'd responded, and together, they'd made the save.
And thankfully, she was not the only magical guardian in the crowd that day. Several others, both familiar and new, had been there too, and together, the citizens had been safeguarded and the ogre dispatched.
Knowing that she had played a part in that… warmed her heart. Not that intense, fiery passion she often felt burning deep within her, but a simple contentment at a job well done and lives protected.
What was it that Setsuna had said? That she didn't have to be alone, that together, they could do so much more than they could apart?
It was a good feeling, knowing she was part of something bigger than herself.
She'd remember this feeling for a long, long time.
And seeing both Endo and Fate performing at their fullest, seeing all that their devices could accomplish, made her excited, looking forward to seeing what she and Strike Wolf could accomplish someday. Despite that, she felt like she'd still done pretty well and held her own–both Fate and Bardiche had recognized her rapid improvement in controlling her skills.
But when the battle ended and the brief introductions had been made and they'd gone their separate ways, when the magical had faded to the mundane… then the complicated feelings had set in. She'd dismissed her barrier jacket only to discover her mother had flooded her phone with missed calls, voicemails, and text messages. It wasn't hard to figure out why.
The ogre attack was being reported as a gas leak. It was also being reported that the firefighters in attendance had played a substantial role in evacuating the citizens and safeguarding lives. Kyouka's mother knew she had gone to see the parade, knew she was there, had heard the news…
How could she ever explain the truth of what had happened? She'd seen it with Himeko–even when she tried to tell her classmate about what happened, when Himiko had been there, she didn't remember the event. What hope did she have of telling her mother?
And unlike the mage she'd encountered (and rescued Strike Wolf from), no simple lie of omission would suffice this time. Kyouka had called her mother to assure her that she was okay, that she was on her way home, and been assaulted with a barrage of questions that she had put off until later. And she knew that when she got home, there'd be no way to just… play things off. So either she had to figure out how to tell her mother the truth, or…
She'd have to lie.
She hated lying. She valued honesty and forthrightness as much as she valued compassion towards others, and lying by omission about her discovery of Strike Wolf had been bad enough, but the thought of actively lying to her mother… made her feel as sick as when the adrenaline rush of combat wore off, if not more so.
And, in her reflections on the long bus ride home, the universe was also lying to all those not gifted with magic. It was kind of a sick joke, really. To pull the wool over the eyes of the public, but then to also provide guardians who could see the truth and protect them from the dangers that lurked just out of sight. She couldn't say for sure it wouldn't be better otherwise, but she wasn't ready to take on the metaphysical properties of the universe.
No matter how badly she wanted to.
So for now, all she could do was worry about her mother, and to contemplate all the messy feelings of triumph, exhilaration, danger, and fear that were wrapped up in the event. Her steps were heavy as she got off the bus and made her way up the street. She reached her front door and she paused, hand on the doorknob as she contemplated.
She didn't hate her mom–they fought, a lot, but she knew that deep down it came from a place of love on her mother's part. The desire to see her child grow and prosper, to live up to her full potential. They just had different opinions of how that potential should be shaped. And no matter what else had happened between them, she'd always been able to express herself honestly, to share her real thoughts and feelings (sometimes to a fault, she had to admit.)
And in her heart of hearts, she loved her mother too. How could she not?
The guilt of what she was about to say was already clawing at her heart.
She opened the door and stomped off a few pieces of snow from her boots. "Hey, Mom! I'm home!"
The first thing that responded was Wolfy, with a loud bark and a scrambling of feet as he tore through the house to get to his owner. Kyouka smiled and laughed as Wolfy lept up onto her, giving the dog a hug and a scritch behind the ears. "Heya, boy. I guess you missed me, huh?" She gently nudged him away so she could step inside, close the door, and remove her outer layer of clothing, but the husky remained close, tail wagging.
Right behind the dog was her mother, eyes grave and full of concern. "Kyouka!" she declared, rushing forward to embrace her in a tight hug. "My darling girl, are you alright? I was worried when I saw the news reports, and then I couldn't reach you–"
"Mom, hey–" Kyouka was in the middle of removing her parka, and awkwardly freed one hand so she could return the hug. "I'm fine, I couldn't answer because I was busy."
That was true. The fact that her phone was in an extradimensional space also hadn't helped much.
Yuki stepped back, holding her daughter's shoulders and looking her over from arm's length. "Are you sure you're fine? I saw the news reports–"
Kyouka shrugged a hand off so she could finish sliding her parka off and hang it up. "Yes, I'm fine. They had people at the scene checking everyone out. And there were' a bunch of professional firefighters there, you know…" She'd seen at least one person in a student medic uniform, so that was true enough.
The older woman let her other hand drop, but kept looking Kyouka over. "Alright… but you tell me if you feel sick in any way, okay? We'll get you to a doctor ASAP."
"I will, I will…" Kyouka bent over to remove her boots and place them by the door, then gave Wolfy's ears a scritch as she stepped around her mother to go flop on the couch. Wolfy dutifully followed along, hopping up to lay next to Kyouka, and the girl smiled and gave her friend's ears another scritch. "Right now I'm just tired."
Yuki looked after her daughter and scrutinized her a bit more, and then nodded. "Okay. Are you hungry? I think we've got some leftovers I can heat up."
Kyouka considered that for a moment. "Yeah, actually… I'm starved. Thanks." Using magic was draining. She was still working on improving her endurance with it, but the fight had really pushed her to her limits.
"Not a problem, dear. I can see how an experience like that might be tiring." She moved into the kitchen, setting to work pulling containers out of the fridge and heating up some pants on the stove. "So, what was it like What happened there?"
There was a tense pause as Kyouka considered her words. "Come on, you've seen all the news reports, right?" She winced, grateful her mother couldn't see her from the kitchen. Not technically a lie, but deflecting to one still left a sour taste in her mouth.
"Well of course I've seen all the news reports," replied Yuki. "But I'm interested in what you saw and did. You're my daughter, and I know you have a unique way of relating to the world sometimes. But if you're too tired…"
"No, no, it's fine." It would still be a lie later on, and it'd be better for her to get it out of the way now. "Well, you know, the firefighters were doing their thing–oh! And you didn't tell me about the acrobatics."
Yuki smiled from the kitchen. "I thought it would be a pleasant surprise for you."
"It was a great show, at least until they noticed the gas cloud. When they noticed it they stopped the show and started evacuating people."
"And what did you do?"
"What do you mean 'what did I do?' I left the area with everyone else."
Yuki paused, and Kyouka could just imagine the bemused expression she would wear whenever she had something to say that she knew her daughter couldn't refute. "Kyouka, dear, you once punched a boy five years older than you because he was making fun of another girl who was also five years older than you. We both know you don't just 'stand by' when things like this happen."
Kyouka actually had to smile a bit at the memory of it. She'd warned him, he'd blown her off, and then… well, she knew what the most effective targets were, and she had no compunction about using them.
"Yeah… Alright, fine, you got me. I did help out, a little bit."
"So…?" asked Yuki expectantly.
Kyouka sighed as she played back all the bits and pieces she'd worked up on the ride home. "Well, there was a woman who was about to fall, and I caught her. I think she just tripped in all of the confusion, or maybe it was the gas. Annnd… I helped pick up a ladder that had fallen on the ground, so other people wouldn't trip on it. And, oh yeah. There was this one guy who was starting to get really rowdy, but I forced him to calm down."
Each word was sort of true, though with a lot of omissions of the real facts. She cringed a bit as she finished spinning her tale, and Wolfy whined just a bit when he noticed his owner's distress.
She pet the back of Wolfy's neck to calm him down. "Shh, it's okay, boy. I'm fine."
She wasn't fine, but, well, how would she ever explain that to a dog, anyway?
Yuki returned to heating up the leftover dinner on the stove, "You know dear, you make me worry so much with how… rambunctious you can be sometimes, but it does make me proud to know I've raised a daughter who's so conscientious and always looking out for others."
That statement inspired dual pangs of pride and guilt, but all Kyouka said was, "Aww, c'mon, I just… do what I can, you know?"
The smell of ramen filled the air as Yuki heated up the leftovers, letting her daughter rest on the couch until she brought over a huge bowl of the piping hot dish. Kyouka gently nudged Wolfy off the couch so she could sit up, smiling gratefully to her mother as she took the bowl and inhaled deeply. "Mmmm. It smells as delicious as it did last night! I think this recipe is a keeper."
Yuki smiled and kissed her daughter's forehead. "Duly noted. Please, eat up. And give me a call if you need anything. I want you to rest and recuperate from your ordeal, so don't push yourself too hard tonight. I'll be in my office prepping materials for tomorrow."
Kyouka just nodded, giving her mother a grateful smile. "Alright, I will, Mom." She started to tuck into her dinner, but then paused, just before her mother left the room. "Oh, and Mom?"
The older woman paused at the doorway, looking back. "Yes, dear?"
"Thanks," said Kyouka, looking back over her shoulder to her mother.
"Of course, honey. Now eat up." Yuki left the room.
Kyouka looked down at her bowl, stirring at it absently. In a quiet voice she added, "And… I'm sorry."
