I hate hospitals. Most people think of them as places where sick people get better. I see them as places where people wither until they die.

My father was in one for over a month. There had been an accident... and he was brain dead. I heard a few nurses call him a vegetable. How could that be? There was no room for growth. No amount of nurturing could save him, heal him. I felt completely helpless.

He was cold all the time. Machines kept him alive. They pumped air into his lungs and nutrients into his veins and made certain his bodily functions were taken care of. At first everyone was so nice to me, but that changed. I was told I needed to accept it, that there was nothing left but a shell and a burden.

They were keeping him alive until we could accept it. And I couldn't, because I just dumb and believed I'd lost the only person who ever really cared about me. The rest of my family had finished accepting it. They were just indulging me... and soon enough they weren't even doing that anymore.

It was decided it had gone on for too long. They were pulling the plug. I had one more day. Visiting hours ended at nine. They made a special exception so I could stay until ten. I had to make the last train so I could make it to school in the morning.

I wouldn't even be allowed to stay and watch- I was the only one there.

It was nine forty... something... and there was this cute little thing on Daddy's bed. I'd never seen anything like it. Waving it's fluffy tails at me and staring. It told me I had the power to save him, if that's what I wanted.

A destiny of battle against witches in return. It was an easy decision.

It was my decision.

It wasn't a decision at all...

He woke up. It was a miracle they all said.

...

He hates me.

My whole family hates me.

... I hate him.

I should have let him die.

If I had to choose a word to describe how I was as a new Magical Girl? The first one that comes to mind is reckless.

I'd do things my way. The right way. I believed in all these things that feel distant and foolish now.

Even the girl who I wanted to be my senpai? I didn't really listen to her at all. I was so convinced that I knew better.

And so my first true senpai was a younger girl by the name of Yaori Kumori.

Sounds weird doesn't it? She was probably eleven, going on twelve. But she taught me more than most when I tried to poach from her.

At the time I would have told you I was doing the 'right thing' rather than poaching. Heh.

All it got me was a crossbow bolt in the center of my chest. I was bleeding out... dying. Right in front of two girls. One who was my friend... and another who I thought might be.

I was saved, by dumb luck. By the decency and charity of someone who had given me up for dead not long before.

A way of life that seemed so 'right' before became meaningless if it was only going to get me killed.

It wasn't easy dealing with what came after. Trying to rebuild myself, dealing with the nightmares, the paranoia. But there were people there for me. One more than most...

And Yaori Kumori was still out there. A silent, invisible demon lord ruling over Shinjuku with an mailed fist.

So I made plans. Most of those plans seem distant and foolish now too. No amount of planning could have prepared us for what happened...

But somehow in the end we were victorious... and the demon lord turned out to be a scared little girl, who had just been trying to survive.

I'd made a mistake, but it was a mistake that allowed me to survive, to thrive. So was it really a mistake at all?

... If I'd known what was coming next, maybe I would have made one more.

The first time, I met Kyouko Sakura, she chased me away- I had no idea back then how lucky I was to escape death on her spear.

The second time, she caused me to question a lot of things I never had.

The third time, she cared for me after a battle gone wrong.

And the fourth time... she was there for me when noone else was.

Why did she choose to invest in me? A dumb little reckless amateur? To this day I have no idea.

But it doesn't matter why. The point is that she did. And it took me so long to recognize the simple fact...

That she had always been there.

Were you expecting something deeper? More profound? I could list so many reasons why I admire her if you want, but the fact is that Kyouko Sakura was always there for me, always providing support. When others disappointed, she did not. When I held myself up to an impossible standard, she brought me down to Earth. When I needed a shoulder to cry on, she gave me one freely.

And that's why I'd do anything to preserve her happiness.

When I rejected Mami Tomoe and Sayaka Miki, she was there to defend me. When they came to Shinjuku threatening my bottom line, she was there fending them off just as ferociously as ever.

The least I can do is return the favor. And that's why I won't let her fight alone.

It came to pass though, that the two of us weren't enough. The Chevaliers movement would mean our both of our deaths. A quick one or a slow one, but death all the same.

And so we decided to recruit others in defense. In them... I decided to pay forward what she did for me.

To protect them as she does me. To be there for them like she was for me.

• Kyouko Sakura - Her senpai. She feels there's nothing she wouldn't do for her sake, to protect her, to let her survive. In the coming days she's certain this will be tested more than ever. Kyouko invested in her early in her career, and Eri had felt like she was the only one that was there for her nearly unconditionally. Kyouko's battle instincts and charisma are something she's always looked up to, feeling it's something she'll never be able to emulate in herself. Recently she felt distinctly betrayed by how Kyouko acted when Sayaka Miki lost her soul gem. She may know her feelings of betrayal over recent events are irrational and hypocritical, she can't help but feel a bit jealous over what she thinks is going on between that pair. Regardless, it has caused her to reaffirm her resolve to protect her senpai and her happiness at any cost.

• Mikoto Minagi - It's hard for Eri not to see Mikoto as a little sister, even if she's older! And yet she respects her highly, one of the few people she allows to hunt with her, as she feels Mikoto understands the kill or be killed way of a Puella Magi better than most.

• Homura Akemi - Ever the enigma, the two have managed to find some measure of mutual understanding. She knows now she might never get any answers about the mysteries Homura Akemi holds, and instead the two talk about other things whenever they have the time. Even as friendly as they get though, she distinctly remembers the early days, and knows that if Homura and her ended up on opposite sides, she doubts very much that Homura would hesitate to put a full clip into her skull.

• Yumi Ohzora - A ray of sunshine within the Shepherds and Eri's life, her loyalty to Eri throughout it all has been astounding. The two have become increasingly close over time, however Eri is now torn between making decisions for Yumi which might exacerbate her feelings of being a burden... in order to keep her safe.

• Chitose Shiratori - Once an opponent, then an ally, now a friend. She's become increasingly worried over time that one of the oldest Shepherds will try to take far too much responsibility in the coming bloodshed.

• Sailor Pluto - A wise, ageless source of wisdom. And also the caretaker of a tiny trash cat the two of them saved by coincidence. The two have become increasingly good friends over time, though Eri frequently wonders what duty has cost the eldest of Senshi. And what toll it may exact of her in the future. What she's told her about the coming calamity has only increased her resolve to defeat the Chevaliers so that it won't come to pass.

• Sailor Uranus - The game Uranus plays with her she's been told is a test of her measure, and yet at the same time it makes her feel so good that she can't help but get swept up in it. At the same time, when Uranus gets serious, she stands up and takes notice. Her intensity is such that she knows she can't be on Uranus' or Haruka's level in pretty much anything, and yet she finds herself frequently thinking about what this Senshi said, how she wouldn't let her partner fight alone.

• Sailor Neptune - Eri often wonders why the glamorous Senshi gives her the time of day. Even if she knew she was Sailor Neptune- she might still wonder. And yet the two in some quiet, private moments have found that even if they couldn't be more unalike in talent, that perhaps their worldviews aren't so dissimilar after all.

• Kasagami Araki - The Disciplinary Executive of Ohtori was someone she recruited for the sake of mutual survival. And she's found her to be a passionate, albeit frustrating friend when it comes to the ongoing conflict with the Chevaliers. And yet at the same time, she's come to wonder if the secrets Kasagami keeps might do them harm in the future...

• Madoka Kaname - Her first real friend, a girl who reached out to her with the simple favor of watering her flowers as a gardening clubmate while she was away seeing her father in the hospital. Ever since, they've become only closer friends, and yet at the same time more distant. Eri doesn't like to burden her with how she suffers, and what she goes through, feeling that the Puella Magi life has hurt Madoka the normal girl just as much as it's hurt her, if not more. Thus she's often content to just spend her time with her nurturing flowers rather than discussing more serious matters. However, when Madoka does speak out on Puella Magi affairs, she tends to listen, and respect the way she thinks and feels. But at the same time- she feels that she must remain a perpetual motion machine on her current course. Anything else would kill her.

• Mai Tokiha - Mai is like the older sister she always wanted. She loves her dearly as a result, considering her surrogate family which has replaced her previous family. At the same time though, Eri's life has caused the two to begin walking on eggshells around each other in the same way that Mai often tiptoes around her real brother. She worries about Mai and her self-sacrificial tendencies, her belief that she can't have a normal life, and her guilt. She wishes she could do something to alleviate it, but doesn't know what to do. Because right now she can feel a confrontation between them is coming, and she's afraid that once it happens... Mai Tokiha will choose to be gone from her life forever.

• Takeo Akamizu - A lovable dork who's been a friend to her since her early days of school. Eri has caught wind lately that Takeo is wrapped up into something that goes way over his head, and believes he's being blackmailed into shady deal after shady deal. She can fully understand his loyalty to his sister, and even admires it but what cost will it exact to him and the people around him?

• Shizuru Fujino - The Ohtori Student Council Vice President is another one of those people who shouldn't give her the time of day. And yet she does. At first she thought she was just some weird personal project of hers, but over time she's gotten the sense that it's not actually that. While Eri doesn't know what motivates Shizuru to get wrapped up into the doings of the Ohtori Student Council, she's been caught in the middle of a few of Shizuru's depressive episodes, some as a direct result of such things. When Shizuru has been at her worst, she's tried to be there for her until she gets to a better place. In return, Shizuru has been surprisingly tender in her reciprocal support.

• Ren Aizawa - An early friend of hers. She's mostly fallen out of touch with Ren, feeling that Ren's heroine of justice personality would cause her to come into conflict with her current way of life.

• Chihaya Izumi - Chihaya came to Eri with an offer to organize a fundraiser for the forest restoration project to demonstrate her organizational capabilities. Eri has agreed readily, and been a big fan and supporter of hers ever since. She wishes she could do something to show her appreciation, but Chihaya often tells her she doesn't owe her anything. That she's just using her. When Takeo insists that she's secretly evil, Eri scoffs at this. Just because a girl has a strong personality doesn't mean they're /evil/!

• Natsuki Kuga - More Mai's friend than hers, she still nevertheless likes Natsuki. I mean who wouldn't like a cool motorcycle riding girl that pursues her goals with such intensity? She's happy to hang out with her whenever she gets the chance, though she wonders if things won't get awkward between them in the future.

• Rinji Sakurai - Rinji is an interesting girl that came by to tour the gardens one day, and she was happy to show her around. Ever since then she's wondered about how well Rinji copes with her disability. She was appreciative of her emotional support in a dark time, but to this day she wonders what kind of relationship she has with Kasagami Araki and Setsuna Meioh... at the same time she's not certain if she wants to ask!

• Anthy Himemiya - Quite frankly Eri thinks Himemiya is kind of a weirdo, but at the same time she respects and admires her greater knowledge of gardening and cultivation. She's willing to collaborate with her occasionally in the same space purely for the opportunity to pick up some of her knowledge. Sometimes she distinctly feels taken advantage of during Himemiya's Gardening parties, when she's recruited to help out... but she can't help but enjoy those times with her all the same. Recently her presence in Ohtori's gardens has been missed more as the student council elections upswing - and she's attempting to get her back.

• Kimiko Akane - Making a positive impression in a coincidental first meeting. Eri found out later that she's the Puella Magi who's taken over the bay territory. While she's still feeling her out some, she's enjoyed her company so far, and her chocolate chip cookies.

• Makoto Kino - Makoto Kino, aka Sailor Jupiter is someone Eri once admired a great deal, trading Gardening tips with... until Makoto found out about what she'd done, and her way of life. Things have been awkward ever since, as Eri rejected her offer to turn away from how she lives in exchange for her aid. She always wonders if one day she's going to have to fight the Senshi of Thunder and Courage. She hopes she won't, but she won't rule out the necessity...

• Yaori Kumori - Dead and gone. From Demon Queen of Shinjuku to scared little girl trying desperately to survive. Often she wonders if she could take back what she did, would she? Instead she tries to take the lessons learned from her experiences with her to heart.

• Sayaka Miki - Quite frankly Eri hates her, for her stubborn infexibility and what she considers unfairly to be a monstrous lack of empathy. She's incredibly jealous of Mami Tomoe's kouhai, and doesn't understand how one who's been so hurt by this life, who has experienced so much pain and sorrow and suffering can be so unwilling to bend for the sake of people she cares about. Deeper down, she's hurt by the fact that someone who she wanted to think of as a friend so readily cast her friendship away.

• Mami Tomoe - In the beginning Eri admired Mami pretty superficially, and thought she wanted to be like her. Time after time after time though Mami Tomoe has abandoned and disappointed her for the sake of preserving her own feelings and some of the choices she's made. In this painful back and forth dance, she's come to admire her in many other ways, not just for the prior image she held of her, but what she found to be the reality beneath. Every time reconciliation seems possible, she's always tempted to cling to a little desperate hope that it could work out. She feels Mami Tomoe understands her better than most, and that she understands Mami more than most, but does it matter if both of them make the choice to be at odds?

• Garnet - Honestly she doesn't know much about Garnet, other than Garnet tried to reach out to her in a battle for their lives. What she found was a difficult, implacable foe who could have been the end of her. Her loss against Garnet only exacerbated her desperation, causing her to give herself over harder to Kyouko's way of life.

• Nori Ankou - ... Eri is an Akamira. More seriously though, she doesn't know Nori Ankou is La Sirene du Nord. When it comes to La Sirene, she'd been glad to call her an ally once, but lingering resentment from La Sirene's early days antagonizing and testing her has recently boiled over when the two fought each other as Chevalier and Shepherd.

• Fuu Hououji - Eri doesn't like the Magic Knight of Wind. For starters she feels Fuu's recklessness almost got her killed defending the powerless girl when Alcyone attacked, and when it became clear that her presence was a hindrance- kept acting in ways which kept forcing them to defend them. Then the Magic Knight of Wind invaded Shinjuku alongside the Chevaliers, and had the gall to declare to her allies that she was only there to investigate the blizzard? Now she simply regards her as a hypocritical coward.

• Utena Tenjou - Eri is embarrassed now when she thinks about the time when she might have been one of those girls admiring Utena and even calling her Utena-sama~ Her presence in the battle over Shinjuku caused her to distance herself from any admiration she might have felt in short order. Now she's mainly concerned how in the future her presence might make things awkward in the Gardening Club, whenever Utena hangs with Anthy...